Posted on August 1, 2012 by GrumpMeter

Here’s something to try: Pretend that you don’t speak English anymore. Your new language is “Grump Meter,” and colors help you speak it.

Instead of saying the same old stuff to your kids when they’re grumpy, or arguing with you, or on their way to a temper tantrum, try using the new language of color. Your children might be surprised by how different it makes you sound—and surprised by how it helps them see their feelings and manage them.

So, to talk this new language, use the Grump Meter colors. Remember not to tell your children the color their on–ask them to identify it.

Here are some examples of things you could say to your children:

• “What color are you on this morning?”
• “Are you on blue?… Nice to know you on blue.”
• “What color are you on? You seem a bit grumpy. Maybe you could decide to take a thinking time out before you go up the Grump Meter.”
• Have confidence in your child: “Even if you’re on yellow, you can take thinking time out. Then come back and I bet you will be on green or even blue again.”
• Notice that your child might judge himself or herself too harshly: “Do you think you’re on yellow?… I’m not sure. Maybe you’re not quite that high on the Grump Meter. What do you think you need to do to stay on green or come back down to blue?”
• “Are you on your way up to orange? Put on the brakes before you get to red.”
• “Oh, no. Stop and think before you land on red!”

You can help your child self-reflect with questions like these:

• “What was the trigger that took you up the Grump Meter?”
• “You did great coming back down the Grump Meter. What reminders did you use?” (In other words, what helpful words did you say to yourself?)
• “What road signs could help you come back down?”
(Stop… Yield…Caution)

You’ll find plenty of ways to bring these colors into your daily conversation with your family. Remember to use the Grump Meter throughout your day—not just when one of you has gone up it. Use it first thing in the morning, after school, in the car. Use it as a way to check in with each other, and give everyone in your family a chance to acknowledge their mood. Once you can be aware of your mood and see it, you can also have some control over it.

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Dangerous Red

Posted on June 12, 2012 by GrumpMeter

Recently, some students from our neighborhood middle school’s 6th grade class walked to the nearby Salt Lake City public library to do some research. As they arrived, they saw a young man wave down from the 5th floor balcony with its spectacular view to the mountains, and then jump, ending his life.

Had he been given a Grump Meter, what color would he have pointed to? Among the kids Lynn works with who have suicide ideation, or have threatened or attempted suicide, all—100%–describe being very angry and on Red when they thought about suicide or tried to kill themselves. These same kids also say that when they are not so angry and come down to Orange, Yellow, Green or Blue, they no longer feel like ending their lives.
So, let’s help kids learn to deal with tough and emotional situations, and to stay away from Red. Let’s teach them to problem-solve and come back down the Grump Meter when they’re going toward Red. Let’s tell kids: Stay away from Red–it’s a dangerous place to go. But if you get there, find a way to come back down and give yourself another chance to get to Blue again.

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The Blue List

Posted on May 13, 2012 by GrumpMeter

Here’s an idea: Ask everyone in your family, or classroom, or group what reasons they can think of for staying on blue. What’s to be gained by staying on blue?

I asked this in our family today (we are ages 7 and 11, with 2 adults).
We all came up with more than one answer. Here they are.

“People don’t get mad at you or annoyed at you, and they feel comfortable around you.”

“I feel better about myself. When I know that my anger could have taken me to yellow or orange, but instead I stayed on blue, I feel proud of myself.”

“You don’t make drama. You don’t make little things into big deals.”

“You don’t say or do things that you regret later.”

“You have time to think about things.”

“People feel more relaxed around you, and show you their best selves. It’s a lot more fun.”

In our family, we’re calling this the “Blue List.” What’s on your Blue List? Send us your ideas, and we’ll add them on.

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A Teenager’s Grump Meter Poem

Posted on March 25, 2012 by GrumpMeter

A teenager wrote the poem below about the Grump Meter. You’ll see how the poem describes the five Grump Meter colors. Kudos to Asa—and thank you to her for sharing her writing with us. How great to be able to be able to write about anger with some lightness!

“When you’re on blue
You’re nice and cool
When you’re on blue
You’re not acting a fool

When you’re on green
You’re a bit of a grump
You can get over it
It’s just a little bump

You’re on yellow
You’re now on caution
Put your foot on the brake
Please start stoppin’

Now your on orange
You’re almost to red
Please stop
Rethink it in your head

Now you’re on red
You’ve clearly lost your temper
If you would’ve stopped sooner
Life would’ve been simpler.”

Here’s what we think is so vital about this poem: it identifies feelings and state of being with language, with words. Until we name our feelings, we can’t talk about them. We can only act them out. So introducing the Grump Meter colors into your family, or with any kids you work with, gives everyone a whole new language to talk about and listen to difficult feelings.

You can ask each other what color you’re on, and why. You can let a child just get his or feelings out, and listen. You can give another person space to come back down the Grump Meter and calm down. All of this becomes possible when we can name our feelings, and the colors give us an easy language to use.

If anyone writes a Grump Meter poem in your family, class, or group, send it along. We’d love to see it!

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Welcome to the Grump Meter!

Posted on February 13, 2012 by GrumpMeter

What is the Grump Meter? The Grump Meter is a simple tool that helps people of all ages learn to manage anger. Although developed for kids and families, adults also find it useful in managing their own moods and anger.  This blog is for all of us.

One grandfather recently told us, “At first I didn’t understand how I could use the Grump Meter—now I think about it everyday.”  And a 15-year old who resisted using the Grump Meter told Lynn, “I found myself using the Grump Meter in my head even when I thought I hadn’t been paying attention to it—and it worked.”

We’ve been developing and using The Grump Meter over the last 20+ years, working with kids and families who have experienced the damaging effects of anger—everything from difficult behavior that makes family, school, and work life hard, to dangerous behavior like bullying, fighting, cutting, or attempting suicide.

The Grump Meter helps people be aware of the changes in their moods. Here are the goals with it:

  •  Be aware of the color you’re on: calm blue? grumpy green? slow-down- you’re-getting-to-yellow?
  •  Prevent the climb to explosive red.  Once you’re on red, all you can really do is weather the storm. And the storm can end up hurting somebody or something, and can leave terrible feelings inside.
  •  Notice when you’re climbing up the Grump Meter. Sometimes people go from blue to red so fast that they don’t even realize they’ve been getting angry. If you can see that you’re going from blue to green to yellow, you have time to do what it takes to calm yourself down.

One of Janet’s students said recently that she never knew people could learn to regulate their moods—and the behavior that goes with them. Sometimes we learn as infants and young children to calm and soothe ourselves. But sometimes we don’t learn it, or learn it enough.  And if we’re parents, teachers, mental health professionals, clergy, or anyone else who works with kids, we can help kids learn. Having a tool helps, for adults and kids alike.

Start using the Grump Meter. Write us with any questions or comments you have. We’ll respond. Stay tuned.

 

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